So what are the core characteristics of a vibrant group? Over the years of being a part of groups, I’ve found that three qualities were evident in my most vibrant small groups. Now, you can add to this list, but you can't reduce it without harming the group. Over the next three weeks, I’ll be discussing these essential ingredients that with the help of the Holy Spirit will bring your group to life. These three words don’t just describe a vibrant Life Group, they are ACTIONS of a vibrant Life Group.
CONNECTING
The first pattern of a healthy group is the relational pattern. You have to build a relational bridge strong enough to hold the weight of truth. When we tell people about small groups, we almost always tout the relationships that they can form through the group. And it's true: great relationships can be formed in and through small groups. But then during small-group meetings, we tend to focus on other aspects—like study and prayer—and hope that the relationships will figure themselves out. Unfortunately, though, without giving some intentional attention to developing and maintaining real relationships, they probably won't happen. And without deepening relationships, there probably won't be much spiritual growth either.
Not Everyone Will Be Best Friends
It's unrealistic to expect that everyone in the group will form equally deep and meaningful relationships with every other person in the group. Instead, we need to have a proper understanding of how relationships really work in small groups, and we need to avoid becoming bogged down by unrealistic expectations.
Some leaders think they’ve failed if not everyone becomes best friends. This is a false expectation!
Every group has a unique personality because of the different personalities of the people involved. Some groups will connect more than others; they may even develop close friendships and do so quickly. Other groups will never reach this level of intimacy. But that doesn't mean the group failed to connect.
In group life, "connecting" refers to developing a growing relationship with a specific group of people. That means different groups will connect at varying levels of depth. Some groups will connect through intimate friendships. Others will connect by simply showing up each week. It's good for a leader to carry hopes to have a group of close friendships. But a leader should also celebrate if they simply have a group that keeps showing up!
Trust Is a Vital Ingredient
Whatever level of connection and friendship develops in your group, trust will play a part in solidifying those relationships.
While not everyone in a small group will become best friends, it's crucial that Life Group participants establish a strong trust with one another. This trust must be established early within a group's existence. Although trust will take time to grow, plant the seed immediately.
Here are two easy ways you can begin to establish and build your group's trust level:
Establish a "come as you are" environment. Let people know they can be genuine.
Have your group commit to the following statement: "What is said in the group stays in the group." Nothing destroys trust faster than gossip.
Once you have established trust within your group, guard it well. Trust always determines the health of a group, and relationships will only develop if trust is present.
Have you established a level of trust in your small group? How can you deepen that trust?
What expectations have you had about the relationships in your group? Are they realistic expectations?
What can you celebrate about the relationships in your group? In what ways is there room for growth?