In his book, Necessary Ending, Dr. Henry Cloud points out that there is a time for everything to end. Despite how you may feel, endings aren’t entirely bad. Endings are woven into the natural order of things. As Cloud says,
“Infancy gives rise to toddlerhood, and must be forever shunned in order to get to the independence that allows a child to thrive. Later, childhood itself must be given up for people to become the adults that they were designed to be. Getting to the next level always requires ending something, leaving it behind, and moving on. Growth itself demands that we move on. Without the ability to end things, people stay stuck, never becoming who they are meant to be, never accomplishing all that their talents and abilities should afford them.”
The same is true for Life Groups. At some point, your group is going to be forced to deal with closure. People will move to other cities, some may pass away, some may move to another church. But even if a portion of your group remains, it won't be the same, and group members will need to deal with an ending.
Life Groups that refuse to end or multiply will eventually begin to lose their sense of mission. The passion they once had for group life will diminish. The result will be that although the group isn't technically ending, the group they once knew has come to end, leaving group members to grapple with loss and closure.
But ending a group is more than just moving on. When a great group ends there is an enormous need for the group to end well. Ending well may be the factor that determines whether or not group members join another group or continue to be members of the church. Group closures can affect group members so much that they may base their feelings of the church on how well the group closed. A negative experience may lead group members to believe that the church is uncaring, unkind, and inconsiderate. We must make every effort to end in a healthy way so that group members feel cared for and all members are reconnected into new groups.
In order to close in a healthy way, you should consider talking about the group’s ending throughout the life of the group so that when it comes time to end the group, your members are not only prepared, but excited to start a new chapter.
Talk about the group ending from the very beginning.
One of the greatest mistakes a small-group leader can make is to start the group without making group members aware that, at some point, the group's life will end. A healthy small group writes out (or at least talks about) covenant agreements early on. The covenant is made up of expectations that include attending each small group meeting, keeping all discussions confidential, participating in meetings, and more. One of the agreements that must be part of every group covenant is that the group will end. Set the expectation that the group will multiply and birth another group at the appropriate time. This gives group members time to think it through and let it sink in.
“Without the ability to end things, people stay stuck, never becoming who they are meant to be, never accomplishing all that their talents and abilities should afford them.”
Talk about the group ending at least every 30 days.
Someone once stated that "vision leaks." That is, over time, people forget the group's vision. If a group's primary objective is to grow the kingdom of God through small groups, then the multiplication of a group is how that vision becomes a reality. Because people are quick to forget so, it's vital that leaders remind group members of these expectations along the way. Leaders must consistently remind group members that the group will someday come to an end, allowing group members to embrace the expectation long before the end actually occurs.
Talk about the group ending as the most important responsibility of the group.
Many group members are unable to accept the idea of the group coming to an end because they are unaware of the importance of multiplying. As your Life Group Pastor, I don't expect groups to multiply simply to pull people away from their dearest friends. Instead, I want your Life Group to multiply so that more people have an opportunity to become followers of Christ and be part of a life-transforming small group. As a Life Group Leader you should remind your group members that Jesus' expectation of the church is to "go and make disciples," and this is the mission of small groups (Matthew 28:19). Let group members know that each time a group multiplies, people who are not in a group have the opportunity to become part of one, giving them new opportunities to grow in their faith. If your group birthed from another group, this is a great time to point to the incredible blessing that original group gave you.
Talk about a great principle being trumped by an even greater principle.
For many group members, the church has motivated them to join a group so that they can experience community. They may believe that the goal of Life Groups is to allow them to make Christian friends and to grow together with other believers. This is a very important and great principle, but when this is our highest goal, multiplying makes little sense. So remind your group members that while community is a great principle, it is trumped by an even greater one: Evangelism. When new groups start, they expand the opportunities to grow the kingdom of God, inviting more people to join in community.
Two Reminders
One thing we can easily forget is that ending your group—even to multiply another group—is an incredibly scary idea. We need to be sensitive to our group members' needs and questions in the process.
Don't forget that some group members are spiritually immature and unable to set aside their own desires in order to enhance God's kingdom. They may be unable to see that God's kingdom is more important than their own comfort. Be patient with these group members, calmly explaining and offering to answer any questions they may have. Don't push them.
Additionally, this may be the first group experience for group members. Because they've never experienced relationships at this level of connection, they may sincerely state phrases like, "I'm closer to these people than I've ever been to any of my own siblings." or "If this group breaks up I may never join another group." Speak graciously to them. Tell them that they will never lose the friends they've made in the group, and that in multiplying and starting a new group, they have the opportunity to build even more deep friendships. It's also important to let them know an important fact: they'll learn things from the people in their next group that they could never learn in your present group. Chances are that your current group exceeded their expectations, so why can't that happen in their next group?
As you regularly talk about the purpose of ending, you'll slowly prepare your group members for this scary yet exciting adventure. Celebrate what God has done through your group and help your members gain a clear vision for helping others experience the same thing by multiplying new groups.
—Rick Howerton is the Global Groups Environmentalist for NavPress Publishers and a regular blogger; copyright 2013 by Christianity Today.
Discuss:
When your group first formed, did you discuss the ending? Have you continued to discuss it? If you answered no to one or both questions, how can you discuss the group's ending at one of your next meetings?
Do you see multiplication as a bad experience to be endured or an opportunity to fulfill God's mission? Why?
How will you be sensitive to less mature group members as you discuss ending the group?
