Lessons Learned from a Tough Childhood: Trusting God in the Storms

Joe Workman’s Full Testimony

I just want to say publicly first and shout it out loud that God is good all the time and all the time God is good. I always thank God before I ask God for anything. My life has never been the same since I truly accepted God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit into my life back in Spring of 2014 when I got baptized a 2nd time. I knew what I was doing it for this go around. Growing up till about age 18 was definitely crazy for me and my past isn't an easy one, even as an adult I still struggled and messed up but not as much as when I was trying to grow into a young man. I come from a single mother who tried her best and never left us, my mother was a product of rape and even though that is a horrible situation my mom taught us to see the good in it since it brought life to me and my siblings.

My dad wasn't in my life growing up till about 10 years old and even then that was only for a couple summers. Then one year when I was 12 I tried to live with him but that ended up being a disaster since my stepmom hated me and would hit me often in the face and then tell my dad something worse so I would get an extra whooping since she despised me deep down for me being my dad's first kid. She would tell me I'm lucky to be his oldest. I wasn't a perfect kid either and I wouldn’t act out or hurt people, but it was tough either way.

There are a few good memories in there but after I left when I was 12, we didn't stay in touch anymore. My dad and I have reconnected since his divorce back when I was 18 for a little bit, but now we have been really close since I was about 25. He is a great dad and grandpa to my family now. He visits often and the kids love him. As most know now our family is big, we are 8, there is Eryka, Kamea, Alona, Leilani, Tahanna, Maui, Tahvion and myself, and even an extra stepdaughter Zoe and each one is treated equally, loved equally, disciplined equally, and raised with equal chances all surrounding God and his word.

As most know I lost my mother at the young age of 46 in March 2016. I've since then watched my siblings fall hard and not fully recover. I've had to step up even more as the rock of the family now than I did before my mom passed and it has been super tough, though this last year I have learned to focus on just mine more. I took care of my mom off and on mostly for 5 years and with no help from my siblings for the last year and a half that she was here while she went through pain and health problems. She had a man but I ended up having to take him in too. Since my mom’s passing, I've feared for both of my siblings' health and souls.

I've been on both ends of good and bad and right and wrong, I was filled with anger throughout my youth and into my young manhood stage as well and often fought anyone and everyone I could without true reasoning or hesitation. I was appointed the man of the house from a young age and had to help my mom with my younger siblings whether it was food or diaper changes or keeping an eye on them. My mom always called me the man of the house growing up and had expectations for me and it was a role that I look back at now and wished she hadn't put that on me. I helped around the house and anything she would need. My mom and I had a moment about a month before she passed where we let it all out and we hugged and apologized and she told me she was sorry for making me grow up faster than I was supposed to. I also know I had to go and stay with my grandma for a year as well in the beginning of my life while my mom tried to fix her life. My mom's younger sister Aunt Louritha helped my mom out too when I was little. I know I was a disrespectful little butt to most of my elders growing up and I didn't care for most of them except a few.

I've caused pain to family and friends and had pain caused to me by family and friends. I've always put the world on my shoulders when it came to my friends and family and giving them a helping hand. I was sexually active at the age of 15 and it turned into a popularity competition for me and after that which then turned into an addiction. I was abused for the first time at the age of 6 by the babysitters (3 teen girls 17, 16 &14) and then forced to again at age 10 by a person who I thought was a friend and his older brother.

I was part of some very crazy groups of curious kids my age multiple times growing up in different neighborhoods, usually the hoods. I've seen things I should have never seen and done things I should have never done and have had things happen to me that never should have happened as a young kid. I've been through drive-bys, I've transported drugs through high schools before while being in high school to make money, I've destroyed public property, trespassed where I shouldn't have, tagged buildings, egged and paint-balled houses and I’ve done stupid dares, broke out windows, played cruel pranks and caused havoc just because. I've watched loved ones die both young and old on hospital beds, and I've had friends take their lives. One time when we had to get a landlord to open the door where we found my grandpa lying there cold in his apartment dead. I watched my nephew who was 2 months old pass away in the hospital because his dad killed him with baby shaking syndrome. I've also been through 2 miscarriages with Eryka as well, 1 early term and 1 mid-term, no miscarriage is easy. I've said things that could cripple people's confidence with ease and have been told things that made me see myself as a horrible person and then decide to play the part anyways. I found out as I got older that people and family members placed bets on what they thought the outcome of my life would be by age 18 and most of it wasn't good ones, like being in a gang, gay, bi, straight, in prison and/or dead. Nobody thought I would amount to anything growing up and it almost came true. They were relieved though that they were all wrong as I got older, they said.

I was kicked out of high school in the 10th grade due to financial reasons and some disciplinary reasons. I lost my chances at a football scholarship because of it. I started manual labor jobs at 16 that were brutal and minimum pay because of my age and would help my mom out with what I could. I was never book smart and hated math, I don't understand computers very well either and still don't. I did however get my G.E.D at 23 all thanks to my aunt Teresa who actually drove 8 hours to Arkansas from Houston to where I was living at the time, dragged me out of bed and straight to the G.E.D place, I was mad but it was good she did that, twice lol. I tried going to college but failed math 3 times, even with the help of tutors and books I just couldn't get it or retain it. I didn't grow up in a full home and also moved so much that I was in a different school for every school year K-10th so I was always the new kid and a target for the bullies. During my 9th grade year, I had dropped out of public school to help my grandma out and finish the school year as a homeschool year. We stayed in hotels, with family, with friends and in cars before. We missed Christmases as well as some birthdays here and there.

I had a few stepdads at an early age before I was 10 who were abusive and took many beatings for big and small things, I even took some that weren't even meant for me at times but had to shield my younger siblings. I also would take beatings when I would get their attention away from fighting with my mom as well when they would get into physical arguments, one of them even pulled a gun on us one time while the other one would grab me sometimes by the throat and put me against the wall and tell me he'd "rip off my head and spit down my throat because he was meaner then the devil" if I didn't start to act right. My stepdad always started off to be nice but once my mom let them move in it would change. I always protected my mom and would chase off any future men that would try to date her again. I wrestled with a porn addiction at age 8 and a sex addiction at age 15 that almost later almost cost me my life, my wife and my family.

My mother exposed me to a lot at a young age thinking it would make me more aware and safer but instead I became curious and troubled. I was around drugs, alcohol and inappropriate situations and some people. I've been replaced before in my family as the oldest son by my mom from age 10-18, my brother the middle child was treated as her best friend and ways had excuses for him when he would act up. I do know though that my Oma treated him badly as well and my sister was the only girl and the baby so she was spoiled and got everything she wanted no matter what which was really tough for me.

I didn't get to do the things that the oldest gets to do, but instead I was moved out of the way by someone who was 5 years older than me at age 10 that my mom supposedly adopted but it didn't turn out that way once they were older because they ended up dating, supposedly when he was 17. Every time I would call them out about it growing up I was humiliated and put down by my mom in front of anyone and everyone that might be around to see it, she would shame me for it. That person got everything while I got the bare minimum and I was kicked to the side and would remain there until I moved out. I would often try to fight him but didn't do so well until I was about 15 but even when I got my butt kicked by him when I was younger my mom still blamed me for it and I would get in more trouble. I finally caught them when I was 18 in Tomball TX and was devastated and hurt and went on a rampage. I kicked the guy out of the house and my mom would end up leaving me and my Oma to go back to Colorado where they ended up getting back together.

I was left to take care of my Oma who was on disability and keep working so that we could survive because I wasn't leaving Eryka either. I’ve been blamed for most of my actions as a bad example-setter growing up for my younger siblings and cousins since I was the oldest of them all. I let my family down by messing up my chances to keep the generational line of military continuance going even though the military could've helped me (3 branches). I've been profiled and harassed, pulled out of my car by gunpoint and put in cop cars by cops plenty of times just because they could, but they were never able to get anything on me no matter how many times they'd try by illegally searching my car or interrogate me. They always said I matched the description of some drug runners or robbers and/or that they were looking for weapons and drugs. I've been hated on by all races growing up since I don't have a true race to claim and look different to each one so I fought a lot of racial backlashes in schools, mainly middle school and high school.

I started drinking and partying a lot from age 15 till about 28. I've done and tried different types of drugs before, thankful I never got addicted thanks to my love of sports and physical fitness. I will say that one of the scariest things I've done though is when I almost killed my brother when we started fighting one day, we are two years apart and we fought a lot as pre-teens and teens. I was 14 at the time, my Oma (grandma) hit me in the back of my head with her cane to break my rage and my grip on my brother's neck after we started fist fighting first and then taking him to the ground and then choking him. When I came to my brother he was starting to turn color, after that was when I started to work on my anger a little bit more but it was still hard to control it. I've done therapy twice because of my stepdads and anger management classes twice because of my nonstop rage and fighting during my youth. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid but the medicine made me mean so my mom said so she stopped it and that was that.

I've had 3 near-death experiences in my life at age 5 when mauled to near death by a half wolf half German shepherd dog. You could see my skull it was so bad I had to be life flighted from the country to the city. At age 14 when I had a big wreck racing down switchbacks on a bike in the Rocky Mountains with no safety gear and trying to be extreme and at age 28 when I was in a motorcycle accident where I was wearing no safety gear as well and was 5 inches from getting my head ran over by a box truck.

To this day I always wonder why I'm still here and why did God spare me so many times. I always heard the 3-strike rule growing up and figured my time should've been up and sometimes I wished it would have. I've had to help out numerous times as a young adult with my siblings and mother while never expecting anything in return, but when I would ask for help, I'd still get the unappreciated and foul attitudes towards me and how I thought I was better than them. I had to juggle a lot as a young man that no one should ever have to. I saved my brother from drug use and addiction back in 2010 and saved my sisters kids from bad choices, state custody and from going back to bad situations in their previous home conditions, which is why we have our now daughter Tahanna since the age of 2 and half years and Tahvion since he was 6 months. I had to watch my sister drag herself down and hate me all the way while calling me names and trying to slander my reputation as an evil brother. I still had to be there for her though because of the kids and because deep down she is my sister. I've struggled with religion because of my experiences growing up, with God because I felt like he let all these things happen and the churches because of the treatment and some of the foul things I saw happen behind closed doors. I was also profiled by many churches growing up that we would try out for the first time because of how I looked and/or what I would wear. I've been the hated one plenty of times by my wife's family, throughout most of the beginning of my relationship with Eryka up till my mom passed in 2016, and then I think they felt bad for me and started to show me some compassion. I still feel that way half the time even now though. They just put up with me for Eryka and probably judged me some because of my past addictions I had that they found out about.

I've given up hope and had hope given back. I've made excuses and let some excuses go. I've turned my back on God before, have said F the big man before quite a few times, and have often questioned God with the many whys in this world growing up because I never felt that love that everyone talked about. I tried to take my life a couple of times but it didn't work and I didn't know why. We all have our own stories and some may seem harder than others but it's still your own story. What you make of it is up to you once you reach adulthood and who you want with you while you do it. It might not be right away or as soon as adulthood starts either.

I'm glad I fully let God back into my life while trying to be a better person, servant, husband, and father, but I also let my wife in on it too and she has and will always be my guardian angel. Eryka is the calm to my beast, the positive to my negative, the light to my darkness, the air to my lungs and the blessing to my downfalls. I always tell her she is the cement to my pillars that helps me hold the foundation up. When I look at my kids it makes me want to be an even better dad, father figure, husband figure, male figure and to push harder to raise them better in life, in family, in church and through God and his word. I want my kids to be better than I ever was without having to go through what I went through.

My past isn't all bad though, sports and a few people who were there that were somewhat steady growing up were the one positive I did have, especially my grandparents (adopted ones too). The only other positive things I can think of about my past is that I finally learned from it so that I didn't let my kids get the same life and I'm also able to teach them to be aware of the evil in this world and to be grateful for what they have as well as doing it in a much better surrounding environment. I've also learned that teaching them at the right ages on different topics is a better approach than what I had, because not everyone has it easy. I want my kids and anyone else to know that God is merciful and can forgive anything as long as we are trying our best to live by his words and give our life to him.

I have seen so many more blessings of all types since coming to God and a calmness over my character as well. I have loved my life more since giving my life to God. The people that God has removed and the ones he had put in place are often a little weird to me at first but I love it because he's never wrong. I owe a lot of my growth to God, my wife, some family and my church CFCC and also the fact that I try now to see more positives, especially in even the biggest negatives there is. When I'm down I always say "God I'm ready for the challenge." Or "if it's my time let's do this".

I also want to add something else but I don't talk about it very much is that I have been on disability since 2019 because of the motorcycle accident I had in 2014 and a few other physical incidents before and after the time frame of the accident as well, I am ashamed of it and feel like I let down my family. I've had to miss games, events, birthdays and get togethers because of it and I can't rough house around with the kids like I use to. I feel like I have let my family down because of our living, car and financial situations. I'm always in pain but the pain volume is up and down day to day, most day are somewhat manageable but some days are bad and then there's really bad days.

My kids see me and sometimes they get worried and/or scared about it. The two oldest understand a little better. I feel like I've let my family down since I'm the reason why we can't get a house that is closer to our kids ‘school, church and Drs and pretty much everything else we have going on in life. I feel awful I can't provide more financially. I don't drive very much as well because of an incident I had when my nerve damage acted up and almost caused me to get in a bad wreck. God was with me that day and thankfully nobody was hurt. My back is shot, nerve damage in my right rib cage area that acts up when it wants to. I have two mesh areas in my abdomen that knot up sometimes, my leg still swells up when it wants to. I have horrible migraines from the 5 concussions I had growing up—three of them from sports and a few other things as well and I sometimes have to get shots in the back of my head for them. The doctors say I'm pretty much just stuck like this too since there's not much they can do but try to manage the pain. I've tried so much and so have the doctors too but it's tough. I am still grateful God kept me around for my family and friends though.

It's been a rough ride but God has still been there through it all. My wife has been by my side the whole way and my family is the reason why I make sure to keep one foot out of the grave. God has given me the ability to still be there for my wife, to watch my kids grow, to be there for Tahvion especially because of his disabilities and to also teach my kids the way of life and how God wants us to be. I'm also grateful that I get to keep my journey going with my beautiful wife. God has been good to us and I give all thanks to him as much as I can.

I give thanks to God and to these people who helped me through life and I probably never realized how much they probably kept me from going all the way down the wrong side of the road. I can see now God placed all these people in my life at the right times.....

1. My Momma even though she was the reason for most of my past but she still did her best. She still tried to teach us everything even if it was not the right time.  My momma was still my everything even after all I went through. I know now I wouldn't have been who I am without her, the good and bad.

2. Aunt Louritha who has always been there for me since my birth when I needed to escape my house, when I need advice, if I ever needed protection and she also helped my momma take care of me at an early age.

She was always there for me in all my ups and downs.

3. Aunt Teresa, my momma's best friend since high school, who even though I was mean to her while growing up she always tried to shield and protect us kids from violence and bad scenarios. She has always been there for me to vent and to ask questions about my mom's past. She has helped my family out numerous times and is the main reason why I got my G.E.D.

4. Aunt Rose has been a positive influence since I was a young man and gives me compliments and wise words and lets me know constantly that God is always with me.

5. Oma was my favorite grandparent and was always there for me her whole life, she spoiled me and looked out for me always.

6. Grandpa Jimmy was my mom's dad by adoption and was there for me as much as he could be, as I got older, I learned a lot from him about manhood, responsibility and heard about his past and how we could relate some and how to try and do better for the future and not carry a burden.

7. Grammy Jane didn't get to be there a lot for me growing up because of some issues with my mom, but we've kept in close touch for a while now.

8. Grandma Honey is my mom's real mom but she was raped at early age and didn't want my mom so Oma her older sister asked to keep my mom instead. My grandma always had advice for me and would let me come stay with her whenever I wanted.

9. Big bro Greg S. Came into my life around age 11 and was a mess when he and my mom became friends. He was like a big brother to me and would help stick up for me against the guy my mom supposedly adopted. He always protected us kids as much as he could and was always making us laugh and feel safe. I wish my mom would have got with him instead.

10. Grandma Thelma was the grandma of a girl named Deja I dated back when I was

11. She was a huge part of my positivity growing up in a very rough timeline for me. We even kept in touch after my mom forced us to move so Deja and I had to break up. She stayed in touch till I was 24. Sadly, she passed away though. She always had wisdom and would let me vent and talk with her about everything.

12. Mr. and Mrs. Pernell (teachers) my 6th and 8th grade teachers were a huge role in my middle school years. She was tough on me and old school and I Learned to behave a little better and she made sure I passed every subject even if it was barely passing. Her and her husband helped me mom pay for tuition and for a mission’s trip in my 6th grade. I will always be grateful to both of them. Her husband Mr. Pernell kept me in check and worked hard on me my 10th grade year before I was eventually kicked out. Because of him I avoided handcuffs.

13. Uncle sport was the husband to my aunt Louritha back in the day. He was a big inspiration for my sports and how to handle myself as a man. He showed me things and taught me stuff and what to look out for.

14. Grandpa Andy was someone I disrespected at an early age but as I got older, he still treated me as a grandson even though there was no blood relationship. He taught me some things as well as how to behave as a young man and how to move in from my past and to accept my responsibilities always 

15. Grandma Bonnie is one of the hardest and smartest people I know, she was the wife to grandpa Andy. She has so many stories from her past and gives me the momentum to keep my drive alive. She is an epic person who is still kicking at age 80.

16. Great Uncle Harold and Aunt Teri are huge part of my success as an adult. My mom had issues with them during my childhood so I didn't get to visit or chat with them very much. I have learned a lot from them as a young man and adult and are always there for me anytime I need to reach out. They have helped me in so many ways. I am bummed out I didn't get to be around them growing up but I'm glad I still have the time to be close now.

17.  Football coaches Algea and Big John played a huge role my two years playing football and kept me out of trouble. They stayed in my life when it came to grades, household, being respectful and showing up to my commitments and always pushing through. They were also great football coaches.

This is pretty much most of my testimony, past and story and I hope it could help someone learn to forgive and move on, to vent or let go, to see the good in the bad and to let them know God is the way, the truth and the light and that they know God will see all who come to him in a new light and welcome them with open arms. God will see all of us level at the foot of the cross when the day comes. 

My favorite Bible verse is Proverbs 12:1.

One of my favorite things to say about the Bible is "Bible stands for....

B asci

I instructions

B efore

L eaving 

E arth....."

It's not easy but it's rewarding.

Thank you God for everything before I ask for anything. 💯✝️🙏😎

Thank you CFCC family.